you create your own universe...

              Sometimes I feel so lonely that I cant think about anything else... Usually I am trying to kill that feeling with meeting with my friends, dating with a man, reading books, watching movies... whatever it takes....
            Well, even more, not to be lonely (read bored) I am studying foreign languages, building career, traveling...
             It is interesting that talking to another human does not make you less lonely. Well, people can get some relief but some people are not that interesting, another people are not that interesting when you get to know them better. Even interesting people can't solve all your problem, becouse nobody knows better than you what you want.
            Sometimes I think that only set of interesting activities and hobbies can save me from the lonleness and boredom. If I am engaged into them together with interesting people it is amazing. If no I have to plan out my way in the space alone. And during this way I meet people who are moving in the same direction...
           At some point I am getting tired from the new hobby and change the direction. In a couple of weeks I feel like I am surrownded by completely different people.
           Old friends stay of course. But it is impossible to save that old connection we had when we were doing things together... It is sad, but anyway you do not have a lot time to regret, you are already in a completely new universe - universe you created yourself. Which you based on your own choices and decisions...
            Probably five years ago you have seen your life completely different. Probably you planned that with more or less ambitions. Probably you were thinking that different people will be around. And after that you ask yourself if that was really you who is in charge of your life. You and your real priorities or the chain of spontaneous decisions you had to make because of the curcumstances?

AND God stepped out on space,
And He looked around and said,
“I’m lonely—
I’ll make me a world.”
And far as the eye of God could see
Darkness covered everything,
Blacker than a hundred midnights
Down in a cypress swamp. James Weldon Johnson (1871–1938)