I am thinking that people appreciate the person in line with their own values...And there is no point to be beautiful and smart if you are surrownded by people who are not up to the level to understand that. Only some people who are equal to that are able to estimate the amount of labor per every achievment....

Indian style (Diwali)

ready to become a Bollywood actress :-)

we ourselves create our own universe

И Бог шагнул в пустоту. И Он поглядел вокруг и сказал — Я одинок. Сотворю себе мир (Джонсон)
Well, everything what we have is the result of our own decisions + some element of probablilty (white noise or random error).
The problem is that we can't predict the future, we can make only backword estimations and realise (if we have enough information to get that) if we made a right or wrong decision.

1) If you are depressed, watch Kill Bill, both parts if needed.
It always helps me. I think that everything is possible but nothing is easy...
2) If you want to impress people just be a day ahead of them...There is no need to do something extraordinary if the people around are not able to appreciate that. At least for those people.

несколько мыслей

1) Такое наблюдение. Я заметила, что умные и образованные люди во всех странах одинаковые. А вот дураки очень разные. Все-таки логика единообразна, а глупость безгранична в своей фантазии. Немецкие дуркаи отличаются от русских, а русские от американских.

койкованна

Вчера читала блог одной свой знакомой по университету и неправильно прочитала ее ник. Вместо какая-то ciocovanilla, я увидела прекрасное слово coicovanna. По-моему, гениальное название какого-нибудь бренда, от товаров для дома, до названия отеля!
койкованна - это то о чем мечтает каждый!) приходишь с работы и она начинается....

Erich Maria Remark "Drei Kamerade"

Er nickte hastig und griff nach dem Glase. Aber er stellte es wieder hin, ohne zu trinken. »Gestern bin ich Bürochef geworden«, sagte er leise. »Oberbuchhalter und Bürochef. Der Prokurist hat es mir abends gesagt. Ich bin es geworden, weil ich in den letzten Monaten immer Überstunden gemacht habe. Man hat zwei Büros zusammengelegt. Der andere Bürovorsteher ist entlassen worden. Ich bekomme fünfzig Mark Gehalt mehr.« Er sah mich plötzlich verzweifelt an. »Glauben Sie, daß sie dageblieben wäre, wenn sie es gewußt hätte?«




»Nein«, sagte ich.



»Fünfzig Mark mehr. Ich hätte sie ihr geben können. Sie hätte sich immer etwas kaufen können. Und zwölfhundert Mark habe ich doch auf der Sparkasse! Wozu habe ich das nun gespart? Ich wollte etwas für sie haben, wenn es uns schlecht ginge. Und nun ist sie weggegangen, weil ich dafür gespart habe.«

interesting quotations

1) Helping a person you deprive him of the chance to improve himself. (Fanky radio)
2) Money and beauty do not hide boringness. (A) /about  man who think that they are so good that they can treat women any way they want/
3) I promised but I did not make a commitment. (H)
4) One more desperate man (A) / About men who keep calling women after they have not talked to each other a long time. Can be also used if somebody started to contact you after a break which is long enough to forget the person./

strawberry fiellds (weekend summary)

ACCA annual dinner
Wine and coctail stolen from another banquet
Little black dress
Pink sneakers, pink T-short  and jeans
Italian restaurant in Brooklyn
Bar with Bocce court inside
Midori Sour
Sonic the Hedgehog
Morning xxx
"Straberry fields"  - Beatles concert at BBKing
Brunch
T-shorts shopping
Paulo Coelho
Cooking
Heroes (season 4)
Sawna
"I promised but I did not make a commitment" freak
Tee with pastries
BBQ in the Bayonne park
Belinda
Jogging with the dog (giant Chihuahua)
Basketball
Cake

The girl with the dragon tatoo

More than a year ago in Munich I bought the book under the title " The girl who played with the fire" of Stieg Larsson. My English was not the best, I had to use dictionary quite often, but it did not prevent me from falling in love with the book. I woke up an hour earlier to have time for reading and I went to bed only when I could not read anymore.
Then I got to know that it was the trilogy "Millenium", which consists of 3 books:
1) The girl with the dragon tatoo
2) The girl who played with the fire
3) The girl who kicked the hornet's nest
I have read 2 first books and can't wait when the 3d part will be available. All of them are about a strong woman who lives her life the way she want.  A lot of different things are involved in this trilogy and it is impossible to describe the intriguing plot in few words.
This trilogy exposes all the flaws of the modern society. The main charachter, Elizabeth Salander, is a desperate child of this world. In her life she met people with almost all possible sins. She got used to be abused by unethical people who see a perfect victum in her. Being treated unfair she has no choice to respond  by crime to crime, by violence to violence, by murder to murder.
This character is very likable and people are in her side inspite all the crimes she commits.
Last week I got to know that they already shot movies for all 3 parts and the first one is already released in U.S.A.  Even in spite the fact that film runs 152 minutes I enjoyed it all the time. Probably they could cut some investigation moments, but without them people would not understand the story.
The movie was in Swedish, with English subtitles (sometimes incorrectly translated), but the theater was packed.
Now some information about the movie:
Plot summary for the movie:

A middle-aged journalist, Mikael Blomkvist, publishes the magazine Millennium in Stockholm. In the opening courtroom drama, Blomkvist loses a libel case brought by accused Swedish industrialist Hans-Erik Wennerström, and this has serious repercussions for the future of Millennium. In disgrace, Blomkvist agrees to be hired by Henrik Vanger, the aged former CEO of the Vanger companies, owned by a wealthy but dysfunctional dynasty. The old man offers not only to help his financially strapped magazine, but also to give him information to prove that Wennerström is corrupt. Officially, he is to spend a year writing the Vanger family history.

Blomkvist's real mission, however, is to solve a cold case—the disappearance, some forty years previously, of Vanger's niece Harriet when she was sixteen.

Vanger is convinced that the girl was killed by someone in his family. Blomkvist is ultimately helped in his quest by Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace), a young punk who has been victimized or misunderstood by those in authority throughout her whole life, but who is also a brilliant computer hacker. The unlikely couple become a classic detective pair.

Blomkvist comes to feel that he can discover nothing new. But the title character of the story now appears—Lisbeth Salander, an asocial punk who has been victimized and/or misunderstood by authorities throughout her life, but who also happens to be a brilliant computer hacker. By chance, she meets Blomkvist and the unlikely couple form a classic detective pair. When Blomkvist teams up with Salander, their delving into family secrets sheds a disturbing and shocking light on the four-decade-long puzzle.

Brihgton Beach (May 1, 2010)

Zumba

Yesterday my friend fitness instructor in the gym invited me to Zumba. She told me that Zumba is a good dance workout and a lot of fun. Also she told me that she was going herself, so I decided to join the class as well.
I am so happy that I did not wear dress and high heels as I wanted. I thought that zumba will be a relaxed dance but it tuned to a hard workout. A lot of jumping was involved and the instructor was moving non-stop. Also I did not know the movements, which would be nice to remember. I couldn't turn my head in dancing because I had to observe the trainer. At the end I got really tired, with pain in the legs and wet hair.
When I came home I decided to do some research about Zumba. Here are the results:

Zumba is a dance fitness program created by dancer and choreographer  Alberto "Beto" Perez in Colombia during the 1990s. The program combines Latin and international music with dance in an effort to make exercise fun. Beto invented Zumba in the early 1990s: as he entered his aerobics class he realized that he had forgotten his music. His only option was to use whatever tapes he happened to have in his backpack, mostly traditional Latin salsa and merengue music. Beto improvised the entire class on the spot using this music (which was non-traditional for aerobics) and from this experience he began to further develop Zumba. Soon, it became the most popular class at the fitness facility. Zumba classes are offered through licensed instructors in more than 50,000 fitness center locations in over 75 countries.
The Zumba workout provides fitness benefits because its routines feature interval training sessions with fast and slow rhythms and resistance training, which are intended to tone and sculpt the body while burning fat.
Music is the key ingredient to Zumba classes. The score, created with specific beats and tempo changes, transitions the workout from one toning, strengthening or cardio move to another, thus targeting every major muscle group in the body. 

I have not decided yet if I will attend this class because the timing is not so convenient. But my point is that Zumba is a lot of fun and interesting work out.

Danish guys 2 (BBQ)

Yesterday when I came home after my crazy zumba class, Danish guys, Thai girls and Jasfer had BBQ on backyard. I decided that anyway I would not get a chance to sleep because my window faces backyard. So, I came to them and told: "Hey guys! How is your party going?"
They showed themselves as gentlemen. One of them cooked a hot dog for me and even found a can of pickles (somewhere on the ground). When one Thai girl saw that she started to complain: "I am waiting for my hot dog since 9:30..."
Then we talked a little bit about them and their plans for future. All of them 20-21 and plan to apply to the college. They took two years before college to travel and to earn money for college. In Russia it is impossible, uneducated workforce is really cheap. It is difficult even to survive on the salary of nanny or construction employee. Well, I have to admit that in Russia educated people struggle as well.
So, they are very nice guys, very athletic (in Denmark they trained 3.5 hours a day as minimum). Also they have ambitions plans for the future. They good English and some German, so they consider different European colleges, especially one school in Berlin. One guy share with me his plans, he wants to be a designer and has a lot of ideas, which are secret.
What did I want to tell and what is the purpose of this passage? Most of people I spend time with are about 30-40 y.o.  They are different, they do not want to change anything and feel comfortable the way they are. They do not want to travel, they are less interested in the world in general, they do not have abstract ideas which they eager to realize. Those 20 y.o. Danish guys are so inexperienced and so fresh...They are so young and have the whole life ahead of them. They enjoy the life and plan their future. They are just like me and I should not forget that I am not an old spinster yet....

Danish guys

This week one friend of my roommate is visiting our place. He is a Danish guy who used to live in our place back to October. He came with his cousin, with whom he is traveling over here. Yesterday I saw that he brought another friend.
Today  I came from work and gym very tired and striving for privacy. When I came to the living room I noticed four Danish guys sitting around, drinking and watching TV. It looks like they are gimmating - that's was my first thought.
"I did not know that there are so many of you. Are you procreating?"- could not resist I.
In five minutes the living room became empty. Then the ex-roommate came and told sorry for bringing a bunch of friends. I nod and mumbled something resembling "ok".
And now I am enjoying my privacy in the place I am renting.
Danish guys forgot their sneakers in the room with read beer plastic glasses sticked into them. I have never seen that before, maybe it's a Danish tradition to leave glasses in their sneakers. Maybe it helps against hungover.

my stalker

We had several dates in August. Regular boring dates. Nothing special. The guy was boring. Well, I can't tell that he was a bad guy. No, not at all. 28 y.o. Hardworking. His own company. Nice car. Two cars actually. But it happend that I was not interested and after 2 dates or so I told him that I did not see any point to continue the development of our relationships. I expressed my thoughts very nicely, actually I told him "thank you" and wished him to find a new girl who will love him.
I did not know that it was only beginning of the story. He started to call me many times a day, park his car near my house and try to contact me anyway. He called me several times a day. I could not even text to my friends because of his calls. The battery was down all the time, I charged my phone every day. I told him that if he called or contacted me in the street I would call the police. He started to hide his number during the calls.
Two times during that period my I switched my phone off for a month or so. But as soon I turned it on in several hours I noticed missed calls from him.
On Wedesday I accidentially picked up the phone.
"Hello, my love. How are you? Did you miss me?"
"Who are you?"
" Oh, you don't know! That's me!"
"Me is here, but who are you? I have no recollections..."
" That's me, your pain in the neck, that's what you are thinking about me!"
At that moment I felt so sorry for him, poor guy who can't control his feelings. Poor guy who is ready to do everything to make me be with him. How desperate and pathetic he is.
He called me when I was in Hoboken, when I came to Bayonne he met me at the train station.
I asked himseveral questions, I told him that I used to feel the same several years ago. I tried to convince him that the best for him is to forget about me and find a girl with whom he will have mutial feelings. I found out that he has not dated anybody since I broke up with him (if I can use this word, we were not a couple).
That guy is sick, he is obsesssed with me. I told him that I sleep with other guys, he proposed to me. I told  him to give me money, he asked how much I need. I asked him to leave me alone, he begged me to think about it. He told me that he could not control his emotions and sometimes he was waslking aroung the phone hours thinking if he sould call me.
He offered me to do different activities together. He asked me to dance together and watch movies, have dinners and go to the beach. He behaved as we were a couple, which got some issues and wants to work over them. I realized that he was so crazy, obessed and insecure. I noticed that he stopped feeling the reality and listening to me.
I regret that I talked to him.....I was hoping that I will convince him to leave me, but I gave him new hopes and he doubled his efforts.
That night I got a nightmare. It is not fun, I am scared.

the scam I got

This week I got the following letter:

Hello!!! My name is Ekaterina! I write to you from Russia. Be not
surprised. But I wish to learn you. I the lonely girl from city
Pavlovo, in Russia. I search for the future husband. And it not a
joke. I write to you from the Internet-cafe. I have seen your address
and have decided to write to you. I think, it is greater success. I
trust in destiny. I for the first time search for the man from other
country. And I hope, it is a correct choice. I think, it is my female
intuition. I ask to answer soon. I send you my photo. I shall wait
your answer with impatience. And certainly I shall answer you at once
and I shall send a new photo. My e-mail: bonitosupra@yahoo.com

Ekaterina
That's how Russian women's reputation is created. I could not resist and answered her. I asked her what exactly she found particularily attractive about my email.
My friends were laughing about that....) They told me about Nigerian scum as well. Nigerian people create their profile and in the graph "nationality" they put "native american". For userpic they use a picture of a white girl. And their legend is that the girl wass visiting her dieing relative in Africa and ran out of money...)))
Well, Russians are not that dull, but still it is very sad that the issue above has place to exist.
Because of it Russian girls have a reputation of sexy gold diggers and desperate free loaders. I as a traveler and a single beautiful woman  heard this opinion from several men. Sometimes I even notice that they are trying to test me. How do I react? Ask for money in the most open and bold manner! I can offer them to go and spend their money on next date,  which will never be. I do not care what prejudiced dudes think about me. Let cheap insecure 40 y.o. losers, who have not been married and never will be, and desperate uneducated and fake girls from Pavlovo go and fuck themselves! Or maybe each other?

shapes and professions

Why tall shapeless genderless women are in high fashion and women like me, with round asses, skinny waistes and big boobs are in porn?
Well, at least 1950 pin-ups were like me....

car show in MH

another day in the office 4

Here I would like to talk about the lamest excuse I ever have heard. When I start to complain about something, some mishaps or obstacles in my way, some people answer: "Ya know, there are some people who live in the street and have nothing to eat. You should be happy that you are not one of them."
I heard this expression many times from people from different countries. Honestly, I do not find this comparison reasonable. People do not compare the economy of the United States and the economy of Ethiopia. Nobody tells: " Ya know, what crisis over there? We are happy with our unemployment money, especially in comparison with people from Ethiopia".
Also people who tell the stuff like that do not really know how much time and energy I spent to get the result I want. Are people living in the street work eleven hours a day? Are they ready to study five years? Are they ready not to date with anybody, because they have an assignment to finish?
Maybe people have approximately equal potential from the birth, but some of them invest more in their development and other invest less. And it is impossible to tell that 2 people over 20 can be equal. No, everybody gets what he deserves (with adjustments to good luck). Well, another problem is that people do not have equal opportunities. But it is a different problem. But anyway, I think that every normal person in long term is able to organize his life in a way not to live in the street and to have some food to eat.
So, the comparison with homeless and other people with mental issues always sounds offensive for me. And I am very surprise why people from different country use this lame excuse. Interesting, if all those people think alike? If yes, what kind of logic brought them to this inference?

another day in the office 3

I know why people do not change their job even if they can't stand it, why they do not divorce husbands who do not attract them physically, why they eat the same fattening snacks even if they want to loose their weight.
That's not only the matter of habit, also they do not move forward because they are more or less comfortable in the current situation and afraid that the changes either will be too difficult to implement or will lead to even worse combination.
It is human nature to find thousands excuses for out complexes, laziness and fears. I am telling myself that I can't go back to Russia, because I love my gym and afraid that my next job will consume all my time. How ridiculous it sounds in writing!
Based on this thought I am locking myself in the office I do not like and can't change because of the visa condition. Do I really need and deserve that?
I would like to quote one comparison from Coelho. That's about a frog. If a frog sits in the water which is gradually heated up, the animal does not feel the temperature changes. And at the moment the water boils the frog dies, fat and happy.
That's what I am afraid, to be consumed by routine and nothingness. I am afraid to be consumed by my own excuses and procrastination. And I am afraid of that more than I am afraid of changes (which I am also afraid of like all humans).
So, I have to be confident and make the steps forward, otherwise the frog's destiny will be mine as well...